I debated on whether to do a blog today because I am just having one of those days. Things seem to be getting more challenging around the Woolsey household since the triplets are getting older. It is not so much their mobility that is creating greater difficulty in my life, but rather their opinions. They obviously cannot talk yet, but they are going through a clingy opinionated stage that is making me crazy. It is the typical mom syndrome; I notice that they play so nicely and independently when Laura or Kathy is with them, but the minute I am around they go nuts! They all start crying and crawling to me and if I am brave enough to plant myself on the floor, they crawl on me and cling to me for dear life. Some days I think I am the most loved person in the world and look how lucky I am. Other days, like today, I think why can’t I just be a normal person with a normal amount of kids.
Okay, so a lot of people have four kids, but most don’t have three of the four that are the same age. Some days the complexity of my life and choices I have made in life catches up to me and overwhelmes me in ways I don’t even know how to express. I feel like if I were a normal person with two kids I could go anywhere I wanted whenever I wanted to. I wouldn’t have to spend my kids college education money on nannies. I wouldn’t be looking at so many poopy diapers or wiping so much snot up all day long.
And then there is this other interesting side of me that I haven’t truly explored in regards to having this big crazy wild family. I often feel this need to prove to people that I may have triplets and this wild red head but everything is under control and my life is not overwhelming or crazy or bad. Don’t feel sorry for me, don’t use watching my life and my family to make yourself feel better about your life, and please don’t be overwhelmed watching my life unfold. Believe me, these thoughts don’t come from a bitter place, but I guess more from a place of pride. I don’t even like that quality in people and I guess I have to admit that when it comes to my kids and my family, I have a lot of pride. I have to let that go. I know I do. I know it comes from the negativity surrounding having higher order multiples and I will let it go one day when I am ready.
The truth is sometimes, not all the time, I do feel out of control, I do feel overwhelmed, I do feel depressed that it takes so much energy and takes so much time and costs so much money to do things that others can do without worry or stress.
My sister and Ronin came to visit us early this morning and we were all happy to see them. We usually don’t have any visitors that early in the morning so it was a nice change. Things were crazy as usual. Ava was hitting Violet over the head with a stuffed animal in some bizarre form of play. Preston was extra grumpy and clingy and hungry and was giving me a hard time. Violet leaned over too far in her booster chair and banged her head on the wall and then we all enjoyed a Violet extra loud cry. Elsa was just being cute. Chris was in his office for a conference call. It was 7:30 in the morning. My sister said “are you having a tough morning?” and this made me really think. No, I am not having a tough morning. This is just my life. This is my every morning with variations on attitudes and dramas. How funny and sad at the same time. I didn’t know whether I wanted to laugh or cry.
Anyway, I know that in a few years things will still be hard, but in different less physically intense ways. Right now I have four little kids who need so much from me – the babies need everything done for them and Ava needs less than everything but still a lot done for her. But when I have four kids who can go to the bathroom by themselves, dress themselves, eat by themselves, walk, talk and play with each other, life will be a little simpler.
I had a parent teacher conference with Ava’s montessori teacher yesterday. I wasn’t really sure what to expect but I was pleasantly surprised. Her teacher said that Ava is smart, is already reading some books and working hard on word building, is doing well with math, makes friends easily and is a pleasure to have in class. What more could a mom ask for? I was excited because I think and hope I will have a fairly easy time with Ava in school and we are all excited for Kindergarten next year.
“Mommy, who painted the world?”
If I were a religious person I would’ve simply said “God. God painted the world.” But since I am not and was not feeling particularly creative at that moment I said, “that is a great question Ava. I think you should ask Daddy.”
Then Ava said emphatically, “OH! I know! It was that pickle guy.”
I laughed so hard out loud that I offended Ava who really thought she was on to something. The pickle guy is this guy who is dressed up as a pickle advertising something on the side of the road. Ava continued, “mom, he is the painter of the world dressed up as a pickle.”
That was literally the best thing I had heard in awhile.
Until next time, the mothership is signing off.