I have decided to torture myself and embark on a week long cleanse/detox.  The class is held at my yoga studio by a woman who looks to be about 5 feet, 10 inches, weighing in at 110 pounds.  She obviously doesn’t just DO the cleanse, she LIVES the cleanse.

My workshop on Sunday started off with the participants taking pen to paper and writing for 7 minutes straight about why we want optimum and health and what that would mean to us.  Of course, I went right to work and followed the rules by not putting my pen down once in 7 minutes. In a nutshell I said that my optimum health would mean that I am eating more natural whole foods, not getting sick as often, that I would have more energy on a daily basis, exercise regularly and supplement with vitamins and minerals.  I ended my one page monologue by saying, ” I would love a personal organic chef to come to my home everyday and make my family delicious whole foods so I don’t have to.”

Here are my detox rules for the week:

1.  No meat, dairy, alcohol or caffeine.

2.  Drink approximately 32 oz. of water per 50 pounds of body weight.

3.  Drink herbal tea each day.  The favorite is Tulsi tea.

4.  Drink a green smoothie each day.

5.  Incorporate Apple Cider Vinegar with the Mother in your day somewhere – whether you bath in it or drink it.  Weird I know.  What does “with the mother” mean, you may ask? The “mother” is the enzyme that settles on the bottle of the bottle, and it rocks apparently.   It is the pure natural form of Apple Cider Vinegar that is powerful at healing and is a natural antibiotic.  Hey, Julius Caesar drank Apple Cider Vinegar and we all know what a stud he was.

The first thing I did after my 3 hour detox meeting was go to Whole Foods and order the Killer Green Buzz with an apple in it. This way I could avoid having to put Kale, parsley and cilantro in a blender at home and watching it swirl.  I don’t know about you, but I don’t really like to drink my vegetables.  I spent $365 on groceries to help me with the week of detox.  I spent $365 without buying any alcohol, meat or dairy; that is pretty amazing. What I bought is lots of mixed nuts, every variety of lettuce and fruit you can imagine, a probiotic to take each day, and a digestive pill to take once a day (each bottle of pills was $20).

Day one and two went alright.  I have a new obsession with Kale so I made myself some Kale salad with peppers, artichoke hearts and a lemon olive oil vinaigrette.  This lasts about one hour in my system before I am hungry again.  I have had a smoothie each day.  The first day I had a peanut butter smoothie, the second day I drank the Killer Green Buzz smoothie and today I had a non-dairy berry smoothie.

Day 2 I was not hungry but I was moody and lacked energy.  My detox teacher warned us that we could be “moody, emotional, tired and angry” during the first few days of this cleanse.  I pretty much checked all of those boxes yesterday.

Today is Day 3 and it has sucked, for lack of a better word.  I have been starving all day.  I have had a headache all day.   The good news is that I actually got some of my energy back, which I greatly need to have taking care of the house and kids each day.  One of the hardest parts of the day was going on a walk with my neighbor and watching her drink her cold refreshing beer while I watched longingly.

Today my diet consisted of:

-hot lemon water

-whole grain cereal gluten free with almond milk

-lots of almonds

-lots of dried mango

-non-dairy berry drink

-tons of water

-Indian food – I only ate the potato and sauce and left out the chicken.  Sautéed vegetables.

-Acai Berry green tea

You may be wondering why I am putting myself through this.  I am doing this to  myself because I have never done a detox/cleanse and I have always wanted to do one.  I think it will make me more educated and conscious about what I am putting in my mouth (and my family’s mouth) and what kind of effect it is having on my body.

I have some fabulous detox/cleanse recipes I would be happy to share if anyone would like to rid themselves of toxins and get healthy.

Until next time, the mothership is signing off.



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Detox Week. . . I’m Starving!

2 thoughts on “Detox Week. . . I’m Starving!

  • September 19, 2012 at 5:57 am

    1. You’re insane.
    2. Hot Joe would NEVER EVER EVER EVER NEVER NEVER EVER approve of (allow) $365 to cleanse my body, knowing that as soon as it was over I was having a cup of coffee with Irish Cream creamer and Jr. Mints at TV time.

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