If I have my fingers on the pulse of motherhood, and I like to think I do, I would say that moms are pissed off!  I heard the mumblings in the neighborhood and I read some very poignant blogs voicing outrage about a certain subject: out of control holiday celebrations.

As far as I know, it all began around St. Patrick’s Day.  Pinners on Pinterest were going crazy pinning their favorite St. Patty’s Day crafts and decorations.  All my kids would talk about for a week was wearing green, getting pinched and what the leprechaun’s could possibly be bringing them this St. Patrick’s Day.

The kids would come home talking about what friends were doing at their homes to celebrate. My friend invited Ava over to play with her daughter one afternoon.  This year, for the first time ever, my friend had decorated a table in her house with shamrock lights and scattered some shamrocks about. In their house, there were charming stories told of mischievous little leprechauns who left confetti and coins in people’s shoes and broke into a box of Lucky Charms where he left a Shamrock. Well, when Ava saw these decorations and heard of the naughty little Leprechaun, she said with a heavy sigh and an intense eye roll, “The leprechauns don’t come to our house.”

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Oh yes, I had nipped those Leprechaun dreams in the bud days before.  “No way!  There are no leprechauns and we do not celebrate St. Patrick’s Day in our house!” I exclaimed with all my mighty mom power.  I had really had enough of the holidays blazing in with their bright colors and stratosphere of expensive shit leaving only candy wrappers and stomach aches in their wake. “But there are rainbows mommy,” Elsie chimed in.  “Oh. Um. Yes rainbows are real and they are beautiful,” I agreed.

Only a few weeks before, Valentine’s Day had nearly catapulted me into insanity when I created 120 printable cards for my kids to pass out, only to realize that Valentine’s isn’t like it used to be when I was a wee kid.  In Ava’s 3rd grade class kids were showing up hauling large cardboard boxes filled with goodie bags and boxes to celebrate this lame holiday.  I felt inadequate.  I asked Ava’s teacher what happened to just passing out some cheesy cards with TO: and FROM: written on the back?  She said that she doesn’t know what happened but she though Valentine’s Day should be more like that still.

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Before us moms are even able to boot those leprechauns out on the rainbow they rode in on with one swift kick, the freaking Easter Bunnies have hopped onto the scene.  Now I will say that the good thing about Easter are the Cadbury Eggs which I delight in each year with reckless abandon.  Other than that, it is another holiday with high expectations from the kids where I am required to fork out big money for stuffed animals bunnies and chicks and baskets of junk that they will obsess over for the next week.

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I’ve been reading some other great blogs on this topic and I know I am not alone in my desire to stop the holiday madness.  This is why I hereby declare the launch of my new group called:

“Mother’s Against Youth Holiday Exploitation and Manipulation” otherwise known as MAYHEM.

Here are the rules:

1.  No one is allowed to distribute anything at school other than cheap cards at Valentine’s Day . No candy or gift boxes allowed. There will be an exception for the boxes of disgusting candy hearts with illegible sweet nothings written on it.

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2.  St. Patrick’s Day may be celebrated in full in Ireland or by people of Irish descent, but the rest of us get a free pass. Wearing green is a fun tradition, but lets leave it at that.

3.  Pi Day may only be celebrated by mad scientists. Leave us proletariat out of it.

4. We will stick to the traditional Easter egg hunt, egg decoration and Easter feast on Easter.  Plastic eggs filled with jelly beans.  Ham.  Deviled eggs.  That sort of thing.

Let’s get this movement in motion and free the parents from unreasonable expectations at holiday time.  If all the mothers and fathers abide by the terms of MAYHEM, the result would be less frustrated and financially compromised parental units.

Come on! Get on board. Leave me a comment with your support.

Until next time, the mothership is signing off.

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MAYHEM

12 thoughts on “MAYHEM

  • March 21, 2013 at 10:07 pm
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    Haha! I agree the holiday celebrating at school is out of control, but no way am I giving up my green beer 🙂

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    • March 21, 2013 at 10:17 pm
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      Oh your green beer is totally acceptable in my book!

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  • March 22, 2013 at 5:55 am
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    100% agree and so would every teacher I know. The kids expect a big party for everything and honestly we would just like to teach them to read, write , add and subtract! With plenty of curriculum apprpriate fun thrown in. This is all advertising manipulation and I love the acronym. I’ll be your Vice President.

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  • March 22, 2013 at 6:58 am
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    You know what else? How many freaking Easter egg hunts do we need? Between school, neighborhood party and moms clubs I have 5 to choose from. What the what? My kids are going to have at bare minimum 2 hunts if I want to retain the right to have a hunt at my house on Easter. Same for Halloween trick or treating. How many times do we need to gather candy? Seriously. When I was a kid…..and you know what else? Our preschool decide we had to exchange easter cards this year. So one mere month after tying my children to their chairs to manufacture vday cards I have to do it again for a traditionally non card exchanging holiday? Wth? Ooh I’m fired up now.

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    • March 22, 2013 at 9:11 am
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      Easter egg cards? Are you serious? Ridic!

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  • March 22, 2013 at 7:03 am
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    I want to join MAYHEM and I’m not even a mother! I couldn’t agree with you more about all these out of control holidays. One fantastic thing about my new Head Start job is that holiday celebrations and classroom Birthday parties are banned. Although I have to admit, I am also a Cadbury egg-aholic and have already gained approximately 5 pounds this Easter season as a result.

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  • March 22, 2013 at 8:59 am
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    Wait until proms and weddings. It will just gets worse as they get older.

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    • March 22, 2013 at 9:11 am
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      Thanks for that dad. So comforting.

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  • March 22, 2013 at 10:05 am
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    I am joining too! My youngest was asking if the leprechaun would leave gold at our house because so many friends were talking about it…I awkwardly avoided an answer and thankfully he forgot about it! I agree on the Valentine’s – cards are enough! As far as Easter, I limit the candy and try to avoid the stuffed animals. My kids get a tiny bit of candy and a whole lot of practical items – bathing suits, sunglasses, flip-flops – things they will need this summer and I would have to buy anyway. I also scrounge up the change we have laying around and fill some of the plastic eggs with change, and on their hunt I throw in a few plastic eggs with change or a dollar bill. They get so excited to get money (even if it only adds up to about $3 total)!

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    • March 23, 2013 at 4:00 pm
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      Good ideas Leslie! I will have to implement some of those 🙂

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  • March 22, 2013 at 11:19 am
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    A few years ago Noah got out of bed to come tell us he couldn’t sleep (because he was walking around) and walked in on me putting together his Easter basket. He asked, “Does this mean I don’t get one anymore?” I hesitated, Megan. I did. I was so ready to say, “It sure does! And no more Christmas presents either! We’ll light the menorah but there is no Santa, so no Christmas! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Sucks to be you!!!” But instead I said, “No way!” Grrrr. I never heard of St. Patrick’s celebration and I’m going to pretend like I never have. I got him a box of candy for Valentine’s Day. Oh, to not have little kids. And this Pi day? First year I’ve ever heard of it. Keep doing the simple V-day cards. I never stopped and Noah never complained.

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