Ava Apple Camp

My daughter took a course at the Apple Store about how to write a book in iBook Author, and in the process I came out looking like a negligent mother.

It isn’t the first time I have been made to look negligent or like a loser by my children.  Children are brutally honest, and since my daughter often says things without thinking, her words can come out like daggers.

For example, not too long ago she told me that I shouldn’t be a housewife anymore.  She said that she thinks I should go out and get a job.  Just like that – why don’t you go out and get a job mom [you are such a loser].  I asked her why I should get a job and she said so I can make money for our house.  I told her that I can go get a job and then I will just put her in daycare everyday. My life would probably be a lot easier that way.

The triplets have twin friends whose mom is a scientist.  They think it is just so cool that this mom is a scientist and they regularly come home and say, “mom, I wish you were a scientist.  I wish your were something mommy.”  So I told them that I am something; I am a mom and I am a writer.  You can go to school and tell all your friends that, kids.

Then there are the times that they tell me I have a big butt or they laugh at my “jiggly belly” while they squish it around with their fingers.  I am kind enough not to point out that my jiggly belly is all their fault.

You have to have thick skin when you are a mom.

But since being a mom is my job, and a very important one, I try to “exceed expectations” even though I may only “meet expectations” most of the time.  I am definitely not a perfect mom.  I do lose my temper and I occasionally throw things out of frustration.  But, for the majority of time I am loving and compassionate to them. They are well fed and clothed.  They get to go on vacations. I tuck them in bed each night.

I have never lost one of my children or left a child behind, which I think is a big accomplishment considering I have four small ones.  A child has never been hurt because of my negligence.

I feel like I’m doing pretty good in the parenting department.

Which is why I was a bit surprised to hear my eldest’s i-book presentation that she gave to the entire Apple store, including employees, the camp attendees and their parents.

Click on the book cover below to read Ava’s story and see her illustrations.

Triple Trouble Cover

There are five main points of my daughter’s iBook that proves that I am indeed a negligent mother:

  1. I am peacefully texting while I really should be watching my children at the park.
  2. I made her siblings cry because I tell them we have to leave the park.  There are elephant tears and very sad faces involved.
  3. Her sister gets left behind by me at the park for two reasons: I am texting at the park and not paying attention to my children; I have headphones in my ears and I cannot hear my children.
  4. I don’t realize that I have left a child at the park until I have driven all the way home.  I am distracted by listening to Mumford & Sons on my headphones.
  5. Her little sister is forced to both run and walk by herself all the way home.
  6. What a shitty mom.  The end.

During and after my daughter’s iBook presentation, the Apple Store erupted in laughter. At the end of the presentation, even my daughter was chuckling at her own deprecating story of me.  My husband announced at the end of the presentation that none of that story was true [please don’t call CPS on us].

My children do say nice things to me.  They often say, “you are the best mom in the whole world!”  My daughter says that she is so lucky to have me as a mom.  She just hasn’t written that iBook yet.

Until next time, the mothership is signing off.

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My Daughter Wrote A Shitty-Mom iBook
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13 thoughts on “My Daughter Wrote A Shitty-Mom iBook

  • August 3, 2014 at 3:18 pm

    Megan, this is one of your best blogs ever. It made me cry elephant tears from laughter. Love, Sherri

  • August 3, 2014 at 3:33 pm

    After I stopped laughing Meg….suggestion, maybe show Ava what I regularly say about you, (& that is coming from so far away as Australia.) “Meg, YOU ARE THE BEST”

  • August 3, 2014 at 4:49 pm

    So after I stopped crying from laughter I have to agree with Sherri Woolsey as this particular blog hit home over and over again. It is so difficult to be the best Mom ever but your attitude will definitely carry you through the teenage years. I love your style, hip mothership! You are so much better than a scientist:)

  • August 3, 2014 at 5:18 pm

    One day, Ava, as a Mom will say to you Meg, as a Nanna, “Mom, how the hell did you do it?”

  • August 3, 2014 at 5:22 pm

    Ava did a great job. She may have exaggerated slightly, but she got the hair colors right on the triplets. She must have learned her writing ability from her Mom who does such an excellent job with every blog.

  • August 3, 2014 at 8:25 pm

    Having taken her to the first class and watched the creative process at its inception, I can only say I didn’t have a clue she was going to diss her wonderful mother, but then you never know with Ava. That’s so funny, Meg. It just cracked me up. Sometimes motherhood is thankless, but you DO have a job and you’re doing it well.

  • August 11, 2014 at 2:44 pm

    Oh wow. This is hysterical and so, so funny. Don’t we all have days like this…and then it makes those moments when they say “mom, you are the best” mean so much more. Thanks for making us laugh!

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  • August 15, 2014 at 6:56 am

    Hahahahaha, that was hilarious! I am always so entertained by your blogs. You ARE a great mom.

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